[Review] [Album] SNSD – “The Boys”


SNSD bring “The Boys” out.

Damn right they do, and when you have nine gorgeous muses booty-dropping it to a PG-13 version of Milkshake” by Kelis, consider it a blessing they’re all of age.

SNSD just dropped their third full-length album, “The Boys”, and aside from a drool-inducing concept, this shit certainly does less for the boys than they have ’em believing.

The album attempts to maintain the charms of SNSD (all two of them) by keeping their vocal delivery moderately tame, stylistically semi-cute, and instrumentally washed out like never before.

As is custom with any SM Entertainment puppet, SNSD has used an irrelevant lead style (in this case, something of a Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani and It Takes Two” by Rob Base hybrid) to excite the masses into thinking they have matured into fierce babes this year, while not-so-secretly just doing it to get this lazy record to sell.

I wish what I just said was simply innocent sarcasm, but it isn’t. Sadly.

“The Boys” drags its heels through 46 minutes of mid-tempos and cheesy ballads, none of which come close to the overbearing lead single.

While “The Boys” is a dysfunctional ditty (more chants than actual singing, uninspired instrumental, etc.), the rest of the album could have actually benefited from a good ruffling of its feathers. Songs like “OSCAR” and “TRICK” show promise, but both lack an arrangement that is remotely close to anything interesting.

On top of a ho-hum track list, the album also manages to clusterfuck a slew of styles that don’t make sense when paired with one another. There’s a lot of 90s pop-balladry happening, sprinkled with a hint of pseudo-retro for those who can’t get over it, and a dash of urban/grunge to fuck with the hipsters. It’s like a really bad mixtape.

If the album actually made sense and connected with the lead single, this could have been an interesting move from SNSD. Instead, they have learned nothing from their Japanese endeavors (where they unleashed a godly album that shits all over this one) and reverted back to releasing frilly tunes that aren’t even annoyingly cute at their best.

I get that they want to “grow up” and apparently ditch hooks altogether, but they will still be marketed as a pop girl group wherever the hell they go.

And hey, we like catchy earworms too.

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