Ask Asian Junkie: Which Idol Is Most Likely To Go On A Murderous Rampage?

Ask Asian Junkie is back and I’ll be answering questions and stuff.

To start things off, here’s a question that people who are into dark humor are sure to love.

Which idol group member do you think would be the most likely to go berserk and kill the rest of the their group?

I completely agree with McRoth’s answer that Seo-bot would be the one.

While I agree that Seo-bot would seem like an obvious choice due to her robotic and emotionless nature, I don’t think she fits the profile.

I think Seo-bot is most likely to be a serial killer, actually. She fits the profile of a sociopath, as they are usually described as introverted but “nice” and “friendly”, and Seohyun seems to be surrounded by people who know her well enough to show up but not have fun while there. Then you factor in her emotionless reaction to everything, and you can imagine her screaming at YoonA, “IT RUBS THE WHITENING CREAM ON ITS SKIN OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN“. Rampage though? Nah.

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For a rampage type, you’re looking at the Columbine High School profile, right? Angry, disenfranchised, bullied kids who need an outlet for their repressed resentment for the world. For that, I think you’re looking at Boram of T-ara for the same reason Jay Park would have been a solid choice when he was still with 2PM (that was more of an internal conflict though).

She’s the runt of the litter, constantly picked on by fans of the group and netizens alike, and unlike in those Disney movies, most don’t have the talent to overcome. Rather, they just end up depressed and mad. Given that she’s well aware that people hate her, and that she admits to being sad and depressed, yet still has this stone cold killer look on her face, I’d have to say she’s most likely to go Duke Nukem on T-ara.

“But IATFB, how does it go down?”

Not to worry, I got the details for you.

Cyclops Jiyeon goes first in a night ambush to prevent her laser beam from stopping Boram. Then Eunjung and Hyomin are offed in their sleep so that they can’t use their taekwondo shit to beat the fuck out of her. Then she mercy executes Hwayoung, the last words she hears being, “I’m sorry for your titty.” Next comes Qri, who hears Boram crying, “You are just as worthless as me! Why aren’t you hated as much?!” Soyeon dies shortly after, “YOU ARE EVERYTHING I SHOULD BE! THE PLASTIC SURGEON PROMISED!” She saves Ahreum and Dani for last, “I barely even knew thee,” she sniffles through tears. “But you have to go as well.”

I’m guessing she would off herself after the massacre was complete, as she doesn’t seem the type to roll around in the pool of blood and be sitting on top of stacked bodies smiling when the police arrive, or any shit like that.

Hope that answers your question, bro!

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I have nothing better to do, so send me your questions here: Ask Asian Junkie.