Perfume have been pimped, pillaged, and whored ever since defecting to Universal Music Japan. Universal made no secret of the fact that they wanted to do the ‘grobal’ thing with these girls, and who can fault them after seeing how successful Utada Hikaru‘s “Exodus” and “This Is The One” albums were and that BoA‘s English debut sold so well that it got a re-release.
Whilst nothing aside from a ‘grobal’ website and a few iTunes releases of their 3rd studio album “JPN” here or there made any kind of allusion to Universal actually wanting to go worldwide with these girls, their new single acts as the stepping stone towards that vision.
Perfume’s shot at success was always going to revolve around how uniquely Japanese they were and how unique they were unto themselves. But Universal decided to fuck all that and have them jump on the Euro house bandwagon. Nakata Yasutaka was given a check and a Hummer truck with speakers in the wheels to work the same set of chords that every artist with a fallopian tube has incorporated into at least one of their singles over the past two years. Despite me sounding like I’m completely trashing the song, here’s the kicker: I really like it.
“Spending All My Time” has everybody up in arms because it flies in the face of what Universal said they would not do with these girls. While I sort of get the backlash from that perspective, I do sometimes wonder if these same folk would feel any differently about the song had there been no official statement made that Perfume were going to release material and perform outside of Japan. Nobody seemed to be complaining when Amuro Namie released an album with five and a half songs on it sung entirely in Engrish, one of which sounded like a Bruno Mars demo.
So I’m here to stand amongst the hatred for these robohoes and give you six reasons why “Spending All My Time” does not suck.
1. It’s Perfume, you peon shits.
2. It doesn’t matter how derivative this song is because it’s produced by the Japanese beat deity that is Nakata Yasutaka. Even one of Nakata’s worst productions shits on your fave’s best.
Most artists do songs like this and it sounds utterly forced, but the result here feels smooth and effortless, as Perfume’s singles often do. It strangely sounds like something Perfume would have done anyway, yet so unlike Perfume at the same time. The whole time you sat there hating on this song, you were tapping your foot and working a shoulder. Therefore, your hatred is invalid.
3. [Auto-tune] SPENDING ORL. SPENDING. SPENDING ORL MY TIME. LAH-VING YOU. SO LAH-VING YOU FO’ EVURR! [/Auto-tune]
4. “Dis soundz nuthin like Perfume!”
The bridge section to this song disagrees. It smells so much like Perfume that I could rub it on my neck and wrists.
5. The full music video will be amazing. Perfume sport a visual consistency I’ve not witnessed in a girl group since the Spice Girls. You may not like this song now, but you will once the whole video drops. Nocchi will still manage to sell sex in that nasty knee length Alitalia stewardess dress. A-chan‘s smile will warm your cold heart. And Kashiyuka’s hair will look so on point that Namie will wish alopecia on a bitch.
6. “Hurly Burly” is a B-side and “Hurly Burly” is the best J-pop single of 2012. This automatically makes “Spending All My Time” not worthless.
Now I’m sure some of you have six reasons why “Spending All My Time” does suck. Fortunately, I don’t really care ‘cos dis my jam, and neither do Nocchi, A-chan, and Kashiyuka.