Koda Kumi releases new perfumes, plans a new album and new ways to shit on Ayu

Koda Kumi‘s love of bottles goes way back (see “Juicy” video), so it was only a matter of time until she released a perfume.

Inspired by her shotgun marriage to some guy in a flop rock group and the birth of her child, ‘Kumi Kehovah’ decided to create her own bottled fragrances: Love Note and Love Touch. Elegant fragrances you can use at any time. To spritz your neckline for a dazzling night out or to spritz the pussy. Kumi has always struck me as the type of chick who keeps da pussy well spritzed.

Anyway, Kumi stepped out in Tokyo at a press conference looking hot and classy in a fitted black lace dress, bleached blonde hair with subtle pink highlights, and Louboutin heels. She was looking how Christina Aguilera should have been looking in that trailer trash massacre music video of hers: classy with a touch of playfulness. Not some trick who looks like she got gang-banged in a Motel 6 by four of the Care Bears and a box of Lucky Charms.

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In music news, Kehovah’s witnesses can rejoice, as 2013 will see a new release from Kumi, although it will just be a release of covers. At the time of writing, not much has been disclosed about the album, and it’s a strange announcement to come after two singles of original material.

My money is on Kumi pulling a similar trick to what she pulled with “Universe“. Give us two releases in one on a two-disc set: one disc of covers, the other of original material. A super deluxe set comes with a DVD featuring her first post-baby gig, a bath towel, a set of fake nails which Crenshaw hood bitches would die for, a code to download “strong>Go To The Top” as a ringtone, and a bottle of her perfume. Kumi doing this and going #1 on the Oricon album charts would send Hamasaki Ayumi head first onto the tracks of the Yamanote Line.

‘Love Note’ and ‘Love Touch’ are available to purchase for just 3000 yen, making it more affordable than her CDs.