You know, I had planned on ringing in the New Year with a hot mess, but I certainly did not mean this hot mess. SNSD‘s latest track, “I Got A Boy“, is, to put it lightly, meh (but, of course, you already knew that).
While the song itself is a clusterfuck of jarring musical atrocities, watching the video gave me an epiphany: SM Entertainment is turning SNSD into an escort service.
Don’t believe me? Fine. Let’s go through this scene by scene then.
SCENE ONE: THE BROTHEL
Where else would we start the opening scene of this music video other than at the SM Entertainment Escort Service Headquarters? If I were to hypothetically be running a prostitution service, this is an establishment that I’d be proud of. It’s got all the essentials: faux classy-shit furniture, chandelier, animal print, ho-bag beautifying products … everything the girls need to feel their best! Happy girls make happy clients!
The most ingenious part of all of this, however, has got to be the pink doorbell. It’s innocent, a little inconspicuous, but, once you know what the pink doorbell is really all about, word gets around fast, and guys all over town will be looking for it.
SCENE TWO: THE STREETS
But, hey, the SM Entertainment Escort Service is just starting out here, and they need more than a pink doorbell to start getting the word out. Well, why not try the old fashioned way? Put them girls on on them corners to pick up some Johns!
Need I say more?
SCENE THREE: THE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB
Money. Money is good. You can never have too much of it, right? As a part of their masterful scheme to take over the “adult entertainment” industry, I guess SM also opted to open a gentlemen’s club of sorts. Okay-ish singing performances, red-lighted catwalk stage, fake wigs, girls wearing nothing but coats … yeah, I’m pretty sure this is a gentlemen’s club.
Work it, Tiffany!
SCENE FOUR: THE DATE(S)
Scene four isn’t so much one scene as it is a collection of scenes. Throughout the MV, we see that the guy who initially approaches the brothel goes on a series of “dates” with each of the girls. For those of you that don’t know, it’s not uncommon for a patron of these fine establishments to go on “test dates” with a couple of girls.
This is to find and establish a meaningful connection with a single lady whom the customer will feel completely comfortable living out his deepest and darkest sexual fantasies with.
So … yeah. The SM Entertainment Escort Service. It was bound to happen sooner or later.
I mean, what other explanation could there possibly be? I suggest you all get in line now.