Hyunseung apologizes to everybody for being temporarily entertaining as hell

. . . . 안녕하세요, 장현승입니다. 긴 글이 될 것 같지만 꼭 전하고 싶었던 제 이야기를 전하고자 합니다. 지난 7년, 탈퇴 전 비스트로 활동하면서 여러분께 너무 과분한 사랑을 받았습니다.어릴 적 TV에서 춤추고 노래하는 가수들이 화려하고 멋있다고 생각했었고, 그때부터 큰 꿈을 가지고 5년의 연습기간을 거쳐 좋은 기회를 통해 멤버들과 함께 비스트로 데뷔할 수 있었습니다. 데뷔를 하고 꿈을 이룬듯 했지만, 활동 당시의 저는 저 나름의 불편함들이 있었고 또 해소되지 않던 음악적 갈증이 있었습니다. 그룹활동과 팀워크를 위한 이해 보다는 제 개인을 고집하는데에 힘을 썼고, 남의 말은 듣고도 곧바로 제 고집과 자존심을 부려 멤버들을 포함한 주변 사람들을 많이 힘들게 했습니다. 그렇게 서서히 빚어진 멤버들과의 벽은 너무 두터워졌고 화합을 선택하는 대신 저는 멀어지는것을 선택 했습니다. 그때 이미 저는 스스로를 통제할 수 있는 능력 마저 상실해 무대를 포함한 모든 공식 석상에서까지 불량한 태도를 보이기에 이르렀고 모든 면으로 참 철없었던 제 모습이 젊음을 즐기는거라 착각까지도 했습니다. 어쩌면 그런것들이 멋이라고까지 생각했습니다.지금 보면 많이 후회스러운 모습들입니다. 고집만큼이나 불필요한 자존심이 쎄서 미안하면 미안하다고 말하는게 어려웠습니다. 하지만 탈퇴 이후, 저에게 많은 일들이 일었고 겪는 과정이 경험이라기엔 많이 힘들었습니다. 그러할때 제 자존심을 내려 놓으니 그동안 치기싫어 버티던 바닥을 칠 수 있었고 , 그렇게 제 나름의 바닥에서 전 깨달음과 자유로움을 얻게 되었습니다. 제 자신은 보지 못하며 남에게 상처들만 남겼습니다. 동시에 저의 경솔하고 이기적인 결정들로 얼마나 큰 상처를 줬는지 이제서야 알게되어 제게 상처 받으신 분들께 정말로 죄송하다는 말씀 꼭 드리고 싶습니다. 죄송합니다.

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Former BEAST/HIGHLIGHT member Hyunseung recently took to Instagram to apologize for being awesome for a stretch in time when he didn’t give a fuck.

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During the past seven years, as part of BEAST before I left the group, I received a lot of love. Since I was young, I thought that the people who sing and dance on TV were really cool, so I embraced my big dream and trained for five years. Through a good opportunity, I was able to debut as BEAST with my members.

After debuting, it seemed like I’d realized my dream, but while promoting there were things I was uncomfortable with and a thirst for music that couldn’t be resolved. Rather than focusing on group promotions and building teamwork, I was stubborn about my own affairs. Even when I listened to what other people had to say, I’d immediately focus again on my own stubbornness and pride, so I made it hard for my members and the other people around me. The wall between me and the members built up slowly and instead of choosing harmony, I chose to grow distant.

I slowly lost the ability to control myself and showed bad attitude in public, including on stage. I thought that immature image of myself was me enjoying my youth. I thought all that was me being cool. Now that I look back on it, I am deeply regretful.

It was difficult for me to say that I was sorry because of my stubbornness and needless pride. But after leaving the group, I experienced a lot of things and went through a hard time. After laying down my pride, I could finally hit the floor that I was stubbornly holding out from, and from that floor I came to a realization and became free. I have only given scars to other people. I now understand how my carelessness and selfish decisions hurt other people so I really want to say I’m sorry to those people. I’m sorry.

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Everybody seems to be happy with this apology or whatever, so I guess it was the smart thing to do given that he’s trying to roll with a solo career now.

But really, he need not apologize to me, as the only thing he did for me is entertain me over and over and over.

God bless him.

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